Witty IM's-2

I mentioned abt Clyde’isms in the prev article, his IM one liners have been the toast of Gmail . Here goes the second list with my attempts to unriddle them.

• Alarm Clock: Device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep.
You asked the Alarm to watch & wake you, isn’t it?
• I'm wearing black until they make something darker.
Mind has blacked out.
• Recession - I've lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.
Wait until it gets worse
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Uncommonly common eh?
• Philosophy is life's dry-nurse, who can take care of us - but not suckle us.
No wonder drives many to Psychiatry ward.
• He who laughs last didn't get it.
Or maybe he is faster than you think. He is already laughing at your next joke.
• Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Resistance to Change
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
Which Cell has he been confined to?
• Maybe this world is another planet's hell!
As though it was not enough here.
• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Moral: In the long run we are all dead
• Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Ignorance can be stressful
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Atleast something is free, even if it’s a joy ride
• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Reminds me of Tele-Marketing!
• R u thinking what I'm thinking that I think that Ur thinking I'm thinking, because if u think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
I thought as much
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Hmmm Uhh
• It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
No clue
• By the time you read this, you’ve already read it.
Is it disclaimer or statutory warning?
• If you are going through hell, keep going.
Johnny Walker is hopping
• If a man who cannot count finds a shit load of cash, is he lucky?
Could be, if he has a cash counting machine.
• If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it !!!
Or don’t get caught in the Act.
• Every new beginning is some beginning's end.
Well it certainly is the end of this piece.